|
10517. iiibbb - 12/16/2012 3:53:47 AM Message # 10513
The event started for me with an email to a listserv I'm on with "There are gunshots in my building". My friend, who is a professor there, his office was in Patton; he locked his office door like he wasn't there, turned off the lights and got under his desk. We didn't hear from him for several hours.
It is very surreal, and I felt quite detached from the whole thing. I got to my office between the first shooting in the doorm, and the massacre later. Because of the first shooting there was already an elevated police pressence on campus, which I noticed... but they weren't turning people away from campus because it was "only" a dorm shooting at that point. I park in the lot next to Cho's dorm.
I spent the morning deciding when/how I was going to get home.
The biggest thing you come away from an event like this... is how wrong the press gets stuff. How much they like to sensationalize things. And the variety of ways that your friends and acquaintances respond emotionally in ways you wouldn't expect. 10518. iiibbb - 12/16/2012 3:58:03 AM I am always struck by the phrase "I can't imagine".
My problem is that I absolutely can imagine. I live the Connecticut event in my own head with my own son a victim with more frequency than is comfortable.
Couple that with my personality trait of planning for a million contingencies and it's a good thing I disengage a bit when stuff like this happens. 10519. arkymalarky - 12/16/2012 4:44:07 AM As a teacher it always affects my work perspective for a while after something like this, but it passes pretty quickly. I'm very at home on the job, but we've had scares, and a student in Stan's school was expelled this fall because thankfully another student told adults that he had brought a gun and was planning to shoot people at school. What they did with him I don't know. Not enough, I'm sure.
But to go through such a thing it's hard to see how you go about routines after that without constantly looking over your shoulder. 10520. iiibbb - 12/16/2012 5:11:32 AM What you describe is post traumatic stress disorder. Everyone has their limits. Blacksburg, in spite of Cho, is still Blacksburg and one of the finest places to live you could ever imagine.
These things happen independent of place.
Only thing it did to me is make me understand that there are no real answers to tragedy. 10521. iiibbb - 12/16/2012 5:12:50 AM ...As long as neither of my children die before me I'll basically be okay... 10522. iiibbb - 12/16/2012 5:13:41 AM if it were to happen it would probably wreck me for a good while. 10523. thoughtful - 12/16/2012 5:53:12 AM I was thinking about the poor grandparents...they get a double whammy....not only have they lost their grandchild, which is hard enough, but then they have to watch their own children suffer unbearable pain. To me the worst torture is watching someone you love suffer and be unable to do anything about it. 10524. arkymalarky - 12/16/2012 6:02:30 AM That's so true. 10525. iiibbb - 12/16/2012 8:41:24 PM I am Adam Lanza's mother10526. iiibbb - 12/16/2012 8:41:58 PM http://m.gawker.com/5968818/ 10527. iiibbb - 12/16/2012 8:47:57 PM I am Adam Lanza's mother 10528. arkymalarky - 12/16/2012 10:26:19 PM Excellent article. I always ask wrt such children in classrooms, who is more important? That one kid or the other 25 in the classroom? This situation has so got to change. For every nationally newsworthy incident there are thousands like what this woman is dealing with. And this is rare. The vast majority of even troubled kids functiion well enough to stay in school and in their homes without being a danger to anyone. 10529. thoughtful - 12/17/2012 4:07:40 AM Thanks iiibbb....that was quite an article. I know of other parents who are at wits end with their children who, despite their best efforts and efforts of professionals remain troubled with no assessable propensity for violence. 10531. iiibbb - 12/17/2012 6:55:26 AM Want to do something about gun deaths in the U.S.
1) address poverty
2) subsidize care for disturbed individuals like these people
3) legalize marijuana, which would undercut harder drugs and curtail drug related gun deaths.
orders of magnitude more effective that re-enacting the assault weapons ban -- which merely affects cosmetic features, not function or lethality. For that matter the main reason the military favors these guns is that tehy are lightweight and lethal enough in the hands of a trained soldier. You take these weapons away, and a shooter will replace them with a pump action shotgun and a quiver of speed-loaders with the same end result. 10532. arkymalarky - 12/17/2012 8:14:11 PM We need to limit access. Felons in most states are never allowed to own guns. We should regulate them like we do so many other things. Just because people drive drunk doesn't mean you eliminate DUI laws; same goes for limiting access to weapons. And people need to be held accountable. That woman paid with her life for having a stockpile in the same house as her disturbed son. If we can't agree that incompetent people should no more handle guns than kids should drive cars, then we're going nowhere. We are the only nation in the world with this problem. It's time we got a clue. 10533. arkymalarky - 12/17/2012 8:16:06 PM I agree with your list. 10534. thoughtful - 12/18/2012 4:08:59 PM Letters of Condolence can be sent to PO Box 3700, Newtown, Connecticut 06470
Perhaps if we can turn this tragedy into a movement to spread kindness, compassion and generosity, some good can come out of all this pain.
http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/12/17/15972814-inspired-to-act-26acts-of-kindness-to-honor-those-lost-in-newtown-conn?lite
Of course, I would want to make that 28 acts of kindness as both Adam and Nancy Lanza were in terrible pain as well....those acts don't arise out of nowhere, but out of a lifetime of distress. And I feel so badly for Peter and Ryan who have lost half their family so tragically, yet are excluded from the sympathies of so many. 10535. arkymalarky - 12/19/2012 12:21:34 AM I was reading about their family. Very average people, it sounded like. I always feel for families with members they can't reach. They feel responsible even when there's nothing they can do. Fortunately the vast majority don't end like this, but these families stay in fearful limbo, often for decades, as long as those members are alive, over what might happen. 10536. arkymalarky - 12/19/2012 12:29:49 AM Somehow I want to emphasize how much I love my profession and my specific job and my kids and their families, many of whom were once my students. Just to say. I've thought anout that a lot at work the past two days. The vast majority of kids are so good, each in their own way, and there's nothing more rewarding than seeing one you had worried about do well in life, meaning they're happy and belong. I tell my kids all the time that the purpose of our education system is to help them find their place in the world. And so often, that's exactly what happens. 10537. thoughtful - 12/19/2012 2:57:31 PM Arky, I'd like to point out that these people were not average in a significant way. They were among the wealthiest in the country....Nancy Lanza, the mother, received nearly $290,000 in alimony this year. Father Peter was remarried and afforded a nice place in Stamford (very expensive area to live) on top of that. He also worked at a large company so had access to more health and mental health benefits as well as income to afford treatment centers or doctors or medications or whatever might have helped Adam over the years.
There is a lot of talk that mother was in deep denial about her son's mental health and there was clearly something "off" about their relationship....she took him out of high school and home schooled him before he graduated, and she told people that he would be going off to college soon and she was going to move with him to wherever he went. That is beyond helicopter parenting to downright smothering...
|
