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16377. arkymalarky - 8/29/2005 10:38:29 PM Wow, Jen, it's great Marshame came through well and has a good prognosis, but it sounds like you both will really have a lot ahead of you over the next few months. 16378. concerned - 8/29/2005 10:51:57 PM Do you believe in Santa Claus?
I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per house hold, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.
II. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second.
This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second --- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
III. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them --- Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).
IV. 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second crates enormous air resistance --- this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
V. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.
16379. concerned - 8/29/2005 11:45:03 PM I'm considering the use of similar logic to debunk the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. Hey, if one has a need to slaughter sacred cows, one has to go slumming now that LW ideology is dead and buried. 16380. jexster - 8/30/2005 12:30:31 AM "This day have I perfected your religion for you, completed My favour upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion." al-Qur'an 5:3
Where's my Holiday Inn towel!16381. arkymalarky - 8/30/2005 12:49:45 AM Many people I know have done it, gives them a chance to head off to Italy on the pretence of working.
Sounds like a plan! 16382. judithathome - 8/30/2005 12:51:01 AM Her back brace is ENORMOUS and so my heart is sad that her life will be greatly altered once she is awake and begins the healing process. She has to wear thebrace for six months!
Jen, she will not even notice how long she is in this...it is necessary and once it's over, she will be grateful for the fact she is better.
My heart goes out to both of you...your mom will always recall this event and link it to the wonderful birth of you beautiful, healthy daughter.
Good luck to all three of you. And let Dylan be helpful to your mom...both of them will always remember it.
16383. judithathome - 8/30/2005 5:47:32 AM My car is still at the shop....went in at noon today.
'Nuff said. 16384. Magoseph - 8/30/2005 10:18:00 AM We have good news from Jen about her mom and not so good news about Judith's cherished and lovely Jaguar--(I can say that because I saw it almost three years ago, a beautiful sleek machine.)
Hello, Mac! 16385. Macnas - 8/30/2005 1:24:51 PM hello there Mago. 16386. thoughtful - 8/30/2005 3:23:39 PM I'd say sorry, judithah, but anyone who buys a jag knows you have to buy 2...one to drive while the other's in the shop! 16387. PelleNilsson - 8/30/2005 3:30:44 PM And a third one to cannibalize for spare parts. 16388. Ms. No - 8/30/2005 3:58:10 PM Hell, I just need one to have a muscular cabanna boy wash in the driveway. 16389. Ms. No - 8/30/2005 3:58:45 PM please ignore superfluous consonants. 16390. Magoseph - 8/30/2005 4:14:10 PM That last sentence had me laughing out loud, Ms. No. When you have a sec, go to Good Life and see my sons lake room's improvements so far. 16391. judithathome - 8/30/2005 7:56:28 PM Jag update: STILL at the shop! This is ludicrous. 16392. Jenerator - 8/30/2005 8:37:46 PM Judith is really a rapper!!??
I knew it!
 16393. judithathome - 8/30/2005 8:56:22 PM I didn't say I was ludicrous, Jen. ;-) 16394. judithathome - 8/31/2005 8:17:59 PM Jag update: same as before...supplier sent wrong bushings, waiting for the correct ones to arrive.
I feel like Godot. 16395. Magoseph - 8/31/2005 8:26:01 PM Yes, it's hell not to have a car disponible at all times in this country, unless you live in a large city with subways and buses.
Beautiful weather here today, one of those perfect days that are so rare when the temperature is 72 degrees, no clouds, and no one around to bother you. I am repotting my plants in larger wooden containers with liners I found in the basement. 16396. Jenerator - 8/31/2005 8:48:59 PM I hate to bring in somewhat bad news, but...
My mom is doing alright - she is recovering and is extremely drugged, but her care has been horrible.
Has anyone ever had to make a formal complaint against a nurse before?
I spoke to the charge nurse about my concerns, but I fear that I need to take it higher to the Chief of Staff and Administration.
In a nutshell, there has been NO communication between any of the staff members responsible for her care. SHe was given food she was allergic to, despite a nutrition request, and when she paged them three times to ask for help and to notofy them she felt ill, they put a vomit bucket at her feet - she can't even sit up at a 30% incline!!!! (She got sick all over herself and they were put out by it). She has not been given her pain medication in a prompt or orderly fashion (waiting one and a half hours for it, six hours after invasive surgery, is not acceptable) and she has been neglected with water. They put it seemingly deliberately out of her reach and then will not bring to her after she pages them and requests it. The list goes on.
Needless to say I am furious.
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