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21397. judithathome - 3/19/2007 11:59:54 PM I can balance our eggs on their ends any time, anywhere...we eat Eggbeaters...they come in a box! 21398. jexster - 3/20/2007 2:52:35 AM Just got this viral email
Subject: Early Retirement
Dear Employee;
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future .
Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the next fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.
This program will be known as S.L.A.P. (Severance of Late-Aged Personnel).
Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.
SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program will be called S.C.R.E.W. (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Elderly Workers).
All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.
This appeal is called S.H.A.F.T. (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).
Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.
If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: H.E.R.P.E.S. (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).
As H.E.R.P.E.S. and C.L.A.P. are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received H.E.R.P.E.S. or C.L.A.P. will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.
Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our: Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.).
We take pride in the amount of S.H.I.T. our employees receive. We have given our employees more S.H.I.T. than any company in this area. If any employe e feels they do not receive enough S.H.I.T. on the job, see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the S.H.I.T. you can stand.
And, once again, thanks for all your years of loyal service with us!
The Management
21399. wonkers2 - 3/20/2007 2:55:08 AM Sounds like compassionate conservatism. 21400. Magoseph - 3/20/2007 2:24:12 PM Hello, everyone! 21401. alistairconnor - 3/20/2007 3:01:27 PM Hello Mago! How's your man? How's your newlywed boy? 21402. jexster - 3/20/2007 7:01:24 PM DAMN IT!
I thought I dibs on the boy...Wonk and I had a wedding all planned out...he was gonna wear his macaca outfit 21403. jexster - 3/20/2007 7:03:02 PM "Dear St. Anne, send me a man. If he lies or if he dies, please, Mary's mother, send me another." 21404. Magoseph - 3/20/2007 7:39:07 PM Ali, my man is very perky these days, glad that he came out of his many problems of last year. As for my boy, he and his wife are thinking of selling their house and upgrading to a better one--thinking of kiddies, they say.
How are your fiancée and your girls? 21405. arkymalarky - 3/21/2007 2:16:11 AM Holding my breath in hopes I don't get the raging stomach virus Mose has--that she realized she last night, after we ate out together and I used her fork. Her boyfriend's dealing with it now and she's beginning to get over it. 21406. alistairconnor - 3/21/2007 11:54:28 AM Arky table manners eh?
It's worse at my place. Eating off each other's fingers. 21407. alistairconnor - 3/21/2007 11:56:19 AM Mago,
Ah well there you go. I'm a bachelor again, and happy enough about that for the moment.
I won't say your question brought bad luck, but we broke up by email yesterday... It's been brewing a while.
The girls are excellent. 21408. Ms. No - 3/21/2007 3:37:29 PM Jude,
I wish I could come out, but it's not in the cards this year. I wish we weren't all so far away. Ah, well, maybe next year I'll be in a better position for travel. I've realized I cannot in any way shape or form lead a peaceful life if I don't have a certain amount of money coming in so I'm chucking the temp work and letting them place me in a permanent job where I can make enough money to actually support myself and put some away.
It means no full-time or even daytime school for a year or eighteen months, but I can still work toward my credential in the evenings and through proficiency tests. Plus, if I'm making real money I can put savings aside again so that when I'm ready to do the last semester of schooling I'll have some reserves and be able to either work very little or take out much less financial aid.
I'm still glad I came up here when I did and I'm happy with the way things have progressed so far, but I just didn't take into account how hard a hit I'd taken over the last two years what with the house and the lawsuit and the layoff and then moving to a "new" town without a real job and trying to go to school without financial aid (I was too late in the year to apply for it and then they said I made too much money because they were going off of 2yo tax returns).
So, the real job hunt begins. It shouldn't be too difficult to find something good. Another friend of mine who works in accounting put up her resume and had 14 interviews within the first two weeks. Apparently we're a hot commodity right now. Tax season, I guess. 21409. judithathome - 3/21/2007 5:58:43 PM We almost had a tragedy happen last night. I may have mentioned before that our garden room has a very steep ceiling and that Keoni practices his golf swing in there every night. Full out, off the tee swing with his driver. He's done this since we moved in here in '93 and only once broken something...a little art deco plant shelf that was hanging on the wrought iron pole in front of his "trench". (a tiled area we put in when we had new carpet laid after he wore a hole in the old carpet.)
Last night the club head separated from the shaft and went flying across the room and hit Harley...usually Harley and I stay in the other room when he's practicing but last night we were in there because K and I had watched a DVRd program and Harley had been in my lap. Harley got tired of lounging and was playing with a toy across the room.
The club head bounced once but hit Harley full on...she ran like a bat out of hell and hide for half an hour. Keoni and I were almost hysterical and we kept looking and looking for her, crawling around and "meowing" and finaly she crept out. She would come toward us but just crouched and looked at us.
Finally, she walked forward and seemed to be okay but she wouldn't have anything to do with him...and very little with me.
I stayed up with her until midnight...she usually goes to bed at 9pm...she finally let me pick her up and didn't make any "hurting" sounds. She decided she'd had enough and went into her little bed in the bathroom and went to sleep. This morning she jumped up on our bed as usual and she's been fine. But Keoni was a wreck...he vowed never to swing a club in that room ever again. (I doubt that lasts but you can bet Harley won't be anywhere near that room if he does.)
The thing that scared Keoni out of his wits later was not only could it have killed Harley but if it had hit me in the back of the head, it would have killed me...I was closest to it and the force would have been full on into the back of my head.
He has NEVER had a club head separate from the shaft in the entire time he's been golfing and practicing...it was a freak thing.
21410. judithathome - 3/21/2007 9:42:37 PM MsNo, sorry you can't make it down for Spring Break but Arky and I will have you here in spirit.
And I have no doubts you'll get a job really quickly. Just sorry you will have to delay school a bit... 21411. arkymalarky - 3/21/2007 10:55:21 PM In spirits? ;-) 21412. arkymalarky - 3/21/2007 10:58:42 PM That is a freak thing. It could have been so much worse. 21413. Ms. No - 3/22/2007 3:47:50 AM You'll have to give my regards to Todd. ;-> 21414. judithathome - 3/22/2007 4:29:04 PM Oh, we can't...this is a Texas hoedown.
Arky, you can bet the ranch it will be in "spirits". 21415. judithathome - 3/22/2007 4:30:31 PM Harley is back to normal...after a sedate day yesterday, she is raising hell and knocking things around left and right today. 21416. judithathome - 3/22/2007 10:36:49 PM Today I was running around doing errands and I went to the commissary on base. I was stopped at the gate and had to have my car searched! Yes, me...a 63 year old woman in a Jag and wearing hot green suede moccasins, had to get out of the car and have 4 soldiers search my car with a fine-toothed comb for bombs.
Of course, I think this is a good sign that they are not profiling, unless they think I'm a member of the Gray Panthers or something but it certainly was an experience. The highest-ranking guy DID tell me I had a beautiful car, however.
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