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25608. alistairconnor - 8/25/2009 4:55:56 PM It seems to me the individuals in her clan make a lot of decisions out of guilt or defiance.
I've been dealing with similar cultural characteristics... in my girlfriend's case, I think of it as pride (though the French term, "orgueil", is stronger). It takes some adjusting to... it's impossible to fight, in my experience. 25609. iiibbb - 8/25/2009 4:56:12 PM Another thought... in all of this... the only time she really hurt my feelings is when she told me I was too "risk adverse" when I was considering staying in that job until we sold the house.
I'm leaving my job for her and I'm "risk adverse".
As it turns out I'm happy I didn't stay because the house turned out to be so hard to sell this year... and we wouldn't have a baby on the way...
... but that stung.
Taking the job in MS in the first place was a big risk. 25610. judithathome - 8/25/2009 6:26:28 PM Going there in the first place should dispell any idea that you are the least risk adverse!! 25611. iiibbb - 8/25/2009 8:18:29 PM Message # 25608
You are right, it is impossible to fight... particularly in the heat of the moment. Things also tend to simmer with me (I am slow to rile), I don't like keeping score, and I don't like resurrecting old arguments. I especially don't want to make any part of my life trying to prove my wife is wrong about something that has come and gone.
The other half of the issue is for all of her "orgueil", I am her measure in "sisu"... which is the Finnish characteristic of doing hard things because they're right, and not because you expect to get any reward or comfort for doing it; you fully expect not to.
At the end of the day, my wife is fair, it just takes here a while to process things and reach the right conclusion. I lost a lot of clout moving down there, but I've gain a lot of it back putting myself in this position. So we're are the stronger for all of this.
Assuming I get a job.
Which still stresses me out. 25612. Ms. No - 8/26/2009 3:10:09 AM i3b3,
The people we love and who love us fuck up sometimes. I don't think it's disloyal to say that your wife could have tried harder to stick it out in MS for awhile. I imagine that's the main reason for her feelings of guilt right now - she knows that unlike the move to MS, the move away was accomplished in haste because of her displeasure rather than because it was the best move to make at the time.
She's probably also got guilt because you're not complaining more about it and she thinks you were merely placating her when you said you were okay with this move. It's the kind of communication thing that probably won't happen once you guys have been married another couple of years.
Then there's the very real turning of the tables that she's experiencing now where she gets to realize that all that time in MS when she was miserable, you weren't just blithely going about your job without a care. When the people you love are unhappy, you hurt for them. She hurts for you because you're not fulfilled right now and it brings home to her the fact that you hurt for her in MS and she was too wrapped up in her own dilemma to really believe that.
So, she's doing a little growing up and readjustment. Like Martha says, it's a good thing.
You're stressed now, but you will find work, and you've got what looks like good strategies about going forward in your career -- not least of which is blowing off some steam in the Mote when you need to relieve pressure. ;-> 25613. judithathome - 8/26/2009 5:42:55 PM Also, don't forget her hormones are in a virtual war right now...that can do a lot to a woman and not being used to being pregnant, she may not understand that. 25614. alistairConnor - 8/26/2009 10:12:32 PM Ye gods, I'd forgotten about the hormones. Roller coaster. 25615. Dubai Vol - 8/26/2009 10:20:03 PM Oh yeah, when my first wife was 8 months pregnant, I came home to find all my clothes in the yard, with my dress uniform on the bottom. 25616. iiibbb - 8/27/2009 4:17:29 PM Blechy day. I'm trying to force myself to apply to two jobs that I don't think I have much chance of getting. These are 1-pg resume jobs, so I'm not enthusiastic.
I am finding a couple of things on my CV I want to change. I tweaked the hell out of trying to angle for an EPA job that fell through. For all the improvements that I made in the overall presentation of it, there are a bunch of akward phrases that were really geared to that job, and I guess my last shot at culling them to bring it back to a general resume didn't get them all.
Sigh. 25617. vonKreedon - 8/27/2009 4:53:31 PM Regarding your resume, my suggestion is to have a boiler plate version of your resume and then save this as a new file for each job you apply for and tweak those versions to the job. 25618. iiibbb - 8/28/2009 4:05:42 AM I ordered a new computer today. Mine has been on the fritz and I'm scared the power supply is on it's last leg... turn it on and nothing spins up. Eventually it will, but it's scared me enough.
It's such an old laptop that all of these new fangled netbooks. I know they're pretty limited on performance, but they actually outperform my current laptop. I went with the bigger screen (about the size of a sheet of paper) and nearly full size keyboard, but it's still costs half as much as a laptop. Only weighs 3 lbs. 25619. alistairconnor - 8/28/2009 4:39:34 PM mmm running windows?
A real "netbook" should be running some flavour of Unix, or that new-fangled Google thing.
We bought a pretty cool computer for my stepson for his birthday. About four inches by two and a half. Tactile screen. The young folks call it an "ipod". 25620. iiibbb - 8/28/2009 6:04:52 PM Unfortunately I need windoze. I'll have xp. I might make it a dual boot later. 25621. alistairconnor - 8/28/2009 6:19:07 PM I put a 120 Gb disk in my old laptop, I saved a partition for perhaps a Linux distro, if I ever get around to it.
In other news, I have approximately one hundred and twenty chigger bites. 25622. iiibbb - 8/28/2009 6:49:07 PM Chigger fun
I hate the bastards. I use clothes with permethrin treatment when I work in the woods. 25623. judithathome - 9/1/2009 2:27:04 PM Had I stayed married to my first husband, today would be my 48th wedding anniversary!
Luckily, on Valentines's Day next year, my second (and last) husband and I will celebrate our 28th!
(There were almost 2 years in there that I was single...ha!) 25624. Dubai Vol - 9/1/2009 11:07:15 PM Happy unaversary! Last week was the 20th unaversary of my previous marriage. Where does the time go? 25625. judithathome - 9/2/2009 1:34:20 PM Well, given that I am no longer WITH my ex, it was a happy anniversary, indeed. Since you recently had a NOT-one, too, I'm sure you know what I mean!
Odd thing about the ex...he has never re-married nor is he a very happy man. I'm sure he blames me for all of it.... 25626. anomie - 9/3/2009 1:04:08 AM It's 42 years since I first met my first love in 1967 and we just spent the day together after n ot seeinf each other for 39 or so years. This is contrary to your warnings, Judith. I'm still not sure you were entirely wrong, but some things just must be done. 25627. anomie - 9/3/2009 1:04:26 AM It's 42 years since I first met my first love in 1967 and we just spent the day together after n ot seeinf each other for 39 or so years. This is contrary to your warnings, Judith. I'm still not sure you were entirely wrong, but some things just must be done.
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