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26896. iiibbb - 5/1/2012 9:24:25 PM I think he knows at some level something is wrong, and he wants to escape. He gets cabin fever something awful. He says he thinks he's fine. BiL lives there, but he can be best described as not helpful.
I stay in the house once a week for my current telecommutimg gig. We're moving in July... nevermind the stress of disrupting our careers to shoehorn this arrangement...
did i mention we're expecting now? 26897. concerned - 5/1/2012 9:31:26 PM I'm sorry your FiL has dementia - I can imagine how awful that would be for the victim and his family.
Just by coincidence, I have been reading a John D. MacDonald book for the last few days which has a head of a family suffering from Alzheimer's, so I was already thinking about such things. Plus my father is 82, and fortunately, he appears to have no signs, but I remember a great grandmother (from my Dad's side) who lived with us for a year or two when I was a teenager. Not only did she get my bedroom, she would never talk to me. My mom later said that her problem was more that she was depressed than anything else because she had no immediate family left. 26898. iiibbb - 5/1/2012 10:00:24 PM lol coc'd... you worried for naught.
The thought crossed my mind. Unfortunately, it's the absence of his car that is the source of stress for him.
26899. thoughtful - 5/2/2012 2:07:27 AM Alzheimer's is a terrible disease. You never know what they will fixate on or for how long. The problem is you are seeking a rational solution that will work with an irrational mind....there is none. Just go with it. Tell him as any times as you need to, you gave it to me to use and I so appreciate your generosity....making them the good guy always helps.
MIL had dementia and if she asked hubby and name once, she asked a thousand times, "are you two married?" 26900. iiibbb - 5/2/2012 2:30:13 PM I read this one on the internet... this seems like a good way to do it.
"This is what I did for my mom who had Alzheimer's. I contacted the Dept. of Motor Vehicles and got a form off the internet to fill out for the DMV. They then contacted my mom saying they were randomly checking drivers and she had to come in to be tested. If she didn't come in her license would automatically be suspended. She felt she couldn't pass the drivers written or driving test so she didn't want to go in. This takes it from your shoulders and puts it directly between the DMV and your parent. It's all done confidentially." 26901. wabbit - 5/6/2012 1:52:19 AM I'm sorry to hear about your FiL, iiibbb. My paternal grandmother had Alzheimer's, she eventually wound up in a nursing home. My father has some mild dementia, but nothing severe yet.
Congratulations on the pregnancy, is your son excited? 26902. iiibbb - 5/6/2012 4:10:33 AM My son only says "there's a baby in there"... I don't think it's hit home yet. 26903. arkymalarky - 5/6/2012 1:39:54 PM Yes, 3i, congrats on the pregnancy! 26904. arkymalarky - 5/6/2012 1:47:24 PM I had some way cool old women neighbors for a while all over this "neighborhood." they lived alone in their country houses as widows, mostly, tho two or three had never married. They were all in their 80s or 90s and driving. One, Annie Maude, had a son named Woody, and she was always griping that he wouldn't fix her car. I know he didn't want her driving it and had probably taken a part out and told her it was broken. Don't know that that would work for someone with Alzheimer's. A close friend's mother died of it in her 50s, but she declined and died so fast, there was no question with her. She couldn't stay home. 26905. iiibbb - 5/6/2012 3:28:30 PM I wish could appreciate it more.
P's job is being very aloof about whether/how her job will continue after we move in July. Now they're saying they're going to let her go (they had previously said they could keep the job going for a year.... then 6 months....) now they're not even being that up front about whether they'll be able to contract work.
I so hope those motherfuckers get screwed if they can't make something work. There are a plethora of analyses only she can do to write the reports they need - and yet they are hanging her out to dry.
Last week her boss was trying to act like P's been threatening to leave since she started the job - when in fact she's said that since I've been having trouble finding work she wasn't sure. I waited as long as I dared; and they collectively knew I was having trouble. Her boss was even threatening to fire her after the first baby. It's f'ing rediculous.
Now my wife just went out the door laying a heavy load of guilt on me because she's "the only one getting screwed".
I can't take this shit. I'm not exactly sitting on easy street... I'm in a term job with no guarantees struggling with family issues and haven't had the energy to work as hard as I could be working.
When I'm there I'm dealing with the job and getting the inlaws and dealing with my FiL
When I'm home I'm picking up a huge amount of slack trying to watch the boy and make up for the fact she was a pregnant single mother for a couple of nights.
She's running herself into the ground trying to do quality work for her employers and they don't deserve it... but she is still woefully passive about how they treat her because she doesn't want to make waves.
I so hope those motherfuckers regret losing her when they do. They do not know --- what's sad is they may never care because they will probably be content doing it wrong. 26906. arkymalarky - 5/6/2012 3:52:41 PM Don't know what to say except hang in there. Work stresses and transitions and uncertainty are stressful enough without family issues on top of them. Employers don't value their good people enough in lean times. I spent much of my career in a teaching shortage. Now teachers are treated like dirt in lots of places. But there will be famine again for employers and they'll just wish for the talent pool they're pushing out of the profession today. 26907. thoughtful - 5/7/2012 4:24:15 AM Isbs, congrats on the new one to come.
Seems to be there are quite a number of things that have been difficult in your life and it seems you are always catching hell for it, even if you have nothing to do with it.
Remember only you can make yourself feel guilty about something. If you choose not to participate then you won't.
Time to meditate and get in touch with your authentic self. We are spirits having a human experience which necessarily includes death, illness and suffering. We need to remember the past and not let it control us...celebrate the present as it is all we have...reimagine the future as it is how we fulfill our destiny.
Namaste. 26908. iiibbb - 5/7/2012 6:40:03 PM My son is probably the only thing that really makes me happy right now.
My wife would be too, but she's all tied up in work depression and pregnancy.
My MiL is remarkable in her capacity to absorb this stuff, but she's not a nexus.
I feel like I'm taking it from all ends - and typically I have quite a capacity for this stuff - but it's coming non stop.
It is almost a moral imperative for me to keep my shit together, but I am dropping balls everywhere and I feel like a pretender.
I am not looking forward to going to the inlaws this week--- B is apparently having some real fits about the car situation.
Logically I still have no problem having it... my car was on the brink... his car the brakes were shot, there was no coolant in it, and it's got tons of dings in it from B probably hitting things.
I'm so going to get yelled at when I get there, and I'm not sure if thanking him is going to appease him.
26909. judithathome - 5/7/2012 7:50:40 PM Maybe you should parek a street over and just walk to his house....out of sight, etc. 26910. iiibbb - 5/7/2012 7:53:23 PM Thought about it...
... basically planning to pack light and bring my stuff in after he goes to bed just in case he demands I leave and MiL can't calm him down. 26911. thoughtful - 5/9/2012 1:45:11 PM Try not to anticipate too much as it will wear you down before you even get there. Don't re-live the past and don't pre-live the future, but stay in the now...it's a lot easier to take it one day at a time than many days, past and future, all at once.
Visits with MIL were always like an alfred hitchcock movie...no matter what I expected, there'd always be a surprise ending. I could simply not predict and had to take what came. 26912. iiibbb - 5/10/2012 12:27:03 AM good advice. My propensity to do that is a blessing and curse 26913. Wombat - 5/11/2012 4:28:35 PM Wombette college update (for those who care). Ithaca College contacted her yesterday and informed her that there was an opening in their BS/DPT combined program. Although Ithaca was her first choice, she wrote them off after she didn't get into the combined program. Lots of pros and cons to consider between Ithaca and Quinnipiac. 26914. vonKreedon - 5/11/2012 4:51:38 PM BS/DPT, sounds like a set of childhood vaccines.[;-} Congrats on having the choices. 26915. Wombat - 5/11/2012 7:10:44 PM Actually, it could an abbreviation for anti-vaccine cranks.
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