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8400. wonkers2 - 4/5/2007 12:26:01 AM Chapter 2 "Back in Ann Coulter's Ass Saddle Again 8401. judithathome - 4/6/2007 4:01:20 PM The Death Of Common Sense
By Lori Borgman
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Three yards of black fabric enshroud my computer terminal. I am mourning the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense.
His obituary reads as follows:
Common Sense, aka C.S., lived a long life, but died from heart failure at the brink of the millennium. No one really knows how old he was, his birth records were long ago entangled in miles and miles of bureaucratic red tape.
Known affectionately to close friends as Horse Sense and Sound Thinking, he selflessly devoted himself to a life of service in homes, schools, hospitals and offices, helping folks get jobs done without a lot of fanfare, whooping and hollering. Rules and regulations and petty, frivolous lawsuits held no power over C.S.
A most reliable sage, he was credited with cultivating the ability to know when to come in out of the rain, the discovery that the early bird gets the worm and how to take the bitter with the sweet. C.S. also developed sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adult is in charge, not the kid) and prudent dietary plans (offset eggs and bacon with a little fiber and orange juice).
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, the Technological Revolution and the Smoking Crusades, C.S. survived sundry cultural and educational trends including disco, the men's movement, body piercing, whole language and new math.
C.S.'s health began declining in the late 1960s when he became infected with the If-It-Feels-Good, Do-It virus. In the following decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing federal and state rules and regulations and an oppressive tax code. C.S. was sapped of strength and the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, criminals received better treatment than victims and judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional baseball and golf.
His deterioration accelerated as schools implemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of 6-year-old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing classmates, a teen suspended for taking a swig of Scope mouthwash after lunch, girls suspended for possessing Midol and an honor student expelled for having a table knife in her school lunch were more than his heart could endure.
As the end neared, doctors say C.S. drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments regarding regulations on low-flow toilets and mandatory air bags. Finally, upon hearing about a government plan to ban inhalers from 14 million asthmatics due to a trace of a pollutant that may be harmful to the environment, C.S. breathed his last.
Services will be at Whispering Pines Cemetery. C.S. was preceded in death by his wife, Discretion; one daughter, Responsibility; and one son, Reason. He is survived by two step-brothers, Half-Wit and Dim-Wit.
Memorial Contributions may be sent to the Institute for Rational Thought.
Farewell, Common Sense. May you rest in peace.
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Note from Lori Borgman: This piece was first published March 15, 1998 in the Indianpolis Star. It has been "modified" and "edited" by others and circulated on the Internet, even sent to me several times. Imagine my surprise to see it attributed to some guy named Anonymous. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I take having my work circulated on the web as a compliment.
8402. Ulgine Barrows - 4/8/2007 10:55:00 AM I'm reading a book so good, it's shut down my library account. I can't check out anything until I return, or pay for it.
Lisa Pearl Rosenbaum, "A Day of New Beginnings".
I start crying, about every other chapter, and have to put it down.
It is about about Jews in Poland during the war, and knowing one's family history. I don't think my ancestors were Polish Jews, but why would this book make me cry so much, if not?
I thought I was Scot-Irish Catholic, and English.
Anyway, worth checking out. And shutting down your library account until finish. 8403. wonkers2 - 4/18/2007 10:28:33 PM There is a spectacular Richard Avedon exhibit at the Stanford Art Museum. If you're in the Bay Area it's worth a look. Avedon Exhibit 8404. wonkers2 - 4/20/2007 1:06:28 AM Hot Club of Detroit: Swing One 8405. TheWizardOfWhimsy - 4/20/2007 1:26:14 AM Thanks for those heads-up, wonk. One forgets how good Avedon was when he didn't cater to the famous . . . and the jazz accordion was a surprise too. 8406. wonkers2 - 4/20/2007 2:03:04 AM Toward the end he said he wished he'd devoted his entire career to the project. It's hard to describe how overpowering the "In the American West" prints are. They are reminiscent of Walker Evans but much more brutal. Sort of a cross between Evans and Diane Arbus. The irony of putting that show next to Jane Stanford's jewelery collection was heavy. 8407. TheWizardOfWhimsy - 4/20/2007 2:11:24 AM Are you familiar with the work of Lee Friedlander? If not, you might enjoy his work. 8408. wonkers2 - 4/20/2007 5:38:36 AM No. I'll check it out. Tnx. 8409. anomie - 4/22/2007 12:20:18 AM Bjork is on SNL tonight. Always fun to see what she's up to. 8410. arkymalarky - 4/22/2007 4:24:15 PM I saw her name recently. I thought she'd dropped off the planet. How was she on SNL? 8411. anomie - 4/22/2007 7:54:45 PM She was the inimitable Bjork, always something new, but always the same somehow. She hopped around barefoot in that way she has, and belted out incoherant lyrics from that huge mouth agape. I always get the sense that she's the only musician on stage while her "band" consists of technicians using computers and robotic percussion techniques.. This time out she also had an all female brass section dressed in ridiculous, clownish jump suits. I felt a little sorry for them actually. 8412. anomie - 4/22/2007 8:00:46 PM She was showing a little age in her face so I checked IMDB. Bjork, that young punkish-rock girl from Iceland, is 42 years-old.
I'm almost sorry to have to tell you that. 8413. alistairConnor - 4/22/2007 8:20:32 PM Hey that's OK. She's my sister. We're young.
I've always thought she had huge potential. Still hasn't found a decent producer. 8414. anomie - 4/22/2007 8:23:48 PM Oh yes. 42 is a great age. I'd do it again. I was just surprised to see it on Bjork. 8415. wonkers2 - 4/22/2007 8:59:54 PM Any Madeline Peyroux fans? 8416. arkymalarky - 4/22/2007 9:27:06 PM Hey, I heard just the other day that Maynard What''s-his-name of Tool and A Perfect Circle just turned 43. I had to call Mose and rub that in. She's always on me about the music I mostly listen to "at my age." I told her I've liked the same type of stuff forever and I'm not likely to change, so just deal with it. Maynard is among her very favorites, that geezer. Heh. 8417. wabbit - 4/26/2007 12:22:36 AM Holy HackySack, YouTube is going to replace tv. And this is a sequel ... episode 1 is here.
Take that, old chum!
8418. wonkers2 - 4/26/2007 1:46:49 AM Ha! Pretty funny, old chum! Here's Episode 2 8419. wonkers2 - 4/26/2007 9:24:28 PM The incredible Beever
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