|
16893. ScottLoar - 10/5/2005 12:35:08 PM My Finger and Honour
To appreciate my finger you’ve got to understand my mettle, or lack of it.
Our apartment in Chicago was built in 1917 with those big, heavy double-hung windows that sometimes stick, faced on the outside with screened storm windows circa early ‘70’s that slide up and down. One day in July came one of those sudden, violent storms typical of the Midwest, the kind that come out of nowhere with squalling wind and in an instant the lumen value goes to zero, trees begin thrashing, and rain mixed with hail flails through open windows like the fire brigade abruptly chose to hose down the building. So I rush to the open window (I am the man of the house), get the screen up by using both index fingers to push the metal tabs inward along the end of the metal frame and so retreat the tab ends holding the screen into its track, quickly push the screened frame up and release the tabs (a truly efficient move when done like that), then with the screen out of the way use my fingers to push in both tabs of the lower storm window while moving it down to close. And halfway down the window sticks in its tracks. What? I’ve got both tabs pressed in but there’s some resistance which my manliness will overcome by pressure… now force… now I’m pissed and with index fingers busy I use my middle finger to push that window high up in the track and bring it crashing down.
Onto the tip of my extended middle finger. I howl. I prance. Pain throbs through the tip of my finger – I know I’m gonna’ lose the nail – and I hold my finger between my legs as I twist and turn in genuine, roaring pain. My stunned wife asks, “What’s wrong with you?!”; my daughter without patience or compassion says, “Oh Daddy, stop it.” They cannot understand the pain I’m going through! How could they and still be so mean? I muster my best composure under the circumstances, extend the trembling finger to my wife and wordlessly invite her to see the wound if she can bear to do so. “That’s nothing, you won’t even lose the nail. There’s not even a mark.”
Thoroughly disgusted by a woman and one child who cannot possibly empathize with the human condition I stalk off to my room to hunker in silence. Days later there’s no sign of any damage, not even a hint of a bruise, the nail pink, the skin untouched. I’m still pissed. That was about a year or so ago.
Then came our trip to Thailand.
We got to Thailand in a roundabout way after our luggage went missing for four days and I got an ear infection needing two trips to the doctor’s but that’s another story. Enough to say things weren’t going well for us getting there but I was now in Thailand, my wife was with me, the distributor is my friend and his wife is lovely. The ladies really get along with each other and I’m just about giddy with my good fortune in life. We’ve been out for an excellent dinner, finished drinks at one place and we’re off to other high adventures that evening. His van pulls up and we all pile in, my friend driving, my wife now in the backseat , his wife getting in the front, now I’m getting in the back but it’s kind of tight and just as I begin to sit his wife slams her door. Onto the tip of my extended middle finger. I can only pull my hand away and jam the finger into my mouth, one to stop the blood and two to keep from howling. I’m hoping no one sees but my wife asks, “What’s wrong?” and I just shake my head; my friend says, “Scott, are you alright? Looks like you may have caught your finger”. “No, no, it’s nothing, just a tingle” I lie, and I will lie because I don’t want my finger to foul the evening or make his wife feel bad. And the blood keeps rising against the nail, leaking from underneath. At the cocktail bar I wrap a tissue around the finger and hold my hand under the table, there's just too much blood. The next morning my wife steals a look at the nail and almost gets sick. Three months later and the quick is still a black mass, the fingertip sensitive to any pressure.
But, damn, I have the satisfaction of knowing his wife never, ever knew.
16894. Macnas - 10/5/2005 12:54:50 PM Pelle
"In Ireland" is correct. We use the term "on" when we refer to our outlying islands, such as "on Achill" or "on Bere".
Scott
Christ on a bike, but you've put me in mind of my own thumb squishing incident. The details are rather similar to yours, but I was outside the car and I roared like an animal and left a dent in the roof of the car. 16895. thoughtful - 10/5/2005 3:24:10 PM oh i hate finger crushing stories...always make my fingers hurt. Famous one in our family was when a husband was saying goodbye to his wife and she slammed the door on his finger....he starts yelling and pointing at the door. Dear wife thought he was telling her the door wasn't closed tightly, so she opens it and slams it shut again on that same finger!
Ow doesn't quite cover it.
16896. Magoseph - 10/5/2005 4:22:41 PM But, damn, I have the satisfaction of knowing his wife never, ever knew.
Mr. Loar, next time your finger is caught, the without patience or compassion women in your life certainly will jump to its rescue.
Mac, the NYT puzzle today had this definition and it is from a Bob Seger’s song—I had never heard of him before.
16897. Ms. No - 10/5/2005 4:57:55 PM Mags,
That line sounds like Against the Wind. Is it Bob Seger? I should know, but it's early yet for me as well.....which should scare the crap out of you since I've already spent 40 minutes on the freeways getting to work. 16898. thoughtful - 10/5/2005 5:00:27 PM Mags, you aren't going to like all of mom's anti-aging tips.
First, choose your parents wisely...nothing like good dna.
Second, don't smoke, don't drink.
Third, keep mentally as well as physically active.
Fourth, hang out with people younger than yourself to keep plugged in to what's happening...they'll help you stay young.
Fifth is not advice, but an element of her youthful appearance...she tangled badly with a pressure cooker which steam burned her face. While painful, the healing process left her skin much firmer than it was before. A not recommended form a dermabrasion to be sure.
Sixth, stay happy. 16899. Ms. No - 10/5/2005 5:04:26 PM Well, I've just now finished reading the rest of the thread and see that had I not been so hasty I'd have seen for sure that it was Bob Seger.
Sheesh. 16900. judithathome - 10/5/2005 6:09:23 PM Thoughtful, if you could see Magos, you'd know she should be the one writing tips on how not to age rather than asking for them! She is stunning and her skin is such that all us Motie women should be green with envy.
But the best thing about her is that she is a wonderful friend and I think that is what makes her a rare and true beauty. 16901. thoughtful - 10/5/2005 6:34:12 PM J@h, what a nice thing to say...I think I can see mags blushing from here! 16902. jexster - 10/5/2005 7:27:10 PM der ewige Schwede
Message # 3908 in thread 161 16903. PelleNilsson - 10/5/2005 8:27:43 PM And don't forget
The Protocols of the Elders Of Svea Rike
We have a plan. 16904. Magoseph - 10/5/2005 8:36:55 PM I think I can see mags blushing from here!
Me, blushing? Of course, not, I thrive on stuff like that every time I have a chance. Immediately after I read Judith's post, I asked Flexy if he thought I was a stunning woman with a beautiful skin and a soul to match.
Thank you, Judith—you are indeed a sweet and a generous person.
16905. Magoseph - 10/5/2005 8:37:53 PM By the way, thoughtful, in another thread you typed utters for udders and hour for our. I feel so much better that I’m not the only one who do this lately. “Because” is a word that I often see misspelled as ‘becuase’ in other forums.
Someone said somewhere that misspelling simple words is a warning that one should take seriously. I don’t know what that person meant because I can’t remember the forum. 16906. Ms. No - 10/5/2005 8:41:03 PM I think it's only a warning if there is a sudden change in the type and frequency of mistakes. 16907. Magoseph - 10/5/2005 8:42:03 PM Which warning is it, do you think? 16908. Ms. No - 10/5/2005 8:47:20 PM Probably any number of maladies - senility, alzheimers, brain tumor, reversal of super-acting experimental smart pills.
Then there's always alien experimentation. 16909. thoughtful - 10/5/2005 9:09:08 PM I thought it was a si666gn of posse666ssion by an ev666il spi666rit 16910. arkymalarky - 10/5/2005 11:43:27 PM We're going to miss you, Arky. One consolation for us: we'll know that you're feeling better than you did last year.
Thank you! I'm very glad I don't feel like I did this time last year, but I'll be around the Mote as much as I am now.
16911. arkymalarky - 10/5/2005 11:53:32 PM Scott, I love the finger-mashing story (but the mashing description made me cringe), and your daughter's reaction made me laugh out loud. I can relate. 16912. arkymalarky - 10/5/2005 11:53:56 PM The second description, that is.
|
