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18152. Ms. No - 1/10/2006 6:34:38 PM Sometimes the kid just has to touch the stove. 18153. Magoseph - 1/10/2006 6:50:22 PM It’s my experience that men and boys in my life have to check out all my advices to them, often at their peril. I was telling this to a friend last night and she said that if I were wrong occasionally, I might be taken more seriously. Of the most inane statements from you, I said to her, this one wins the prize, really! She said, “Oh, I know, but I’m correct.
Oh, well…!
18154. Ms. No - 1/10/2006 7:36:47 PM I'm not sure how that makes any sense at all. If you've got an excellent track record for being right it seems counter-productive for people to beat their heads against walls doing the opposite of what you say.
Unless she feels that they do it in the hopes of one day proving you wrong.
But that still isn't your problem. It's something for the men in your life to overcome. 18155. thoughtful - 1/10/2006 7:57:44 PM So glad to hear it isn't just me.
Sometimes I get so angry about it...like the other day I grabbed an old grocery bag and saw that it had a hole in it and I needed to get another one. Hubby said, "it has a hole in it? It's still alright. Let me see it." I got mad at him...madder than I felt as that seems to be the only way to get him to stop. But I'm perfectly capable of determining if a bag has a hole in it. For cripes sake, after nearly 28 years of marriage, you'd think he'd built up enough trust in me to trust that I'm capable of recognizing a hole in a bag and using the appropriate judgment. Sheesh!
It's such a little insignificant thing, but it has such deeper implications. If it were only holes in bags it would be one thing, but there are so many ways in which he doesnt't trust me to make the right choices even in areas where I know what I'm doing and areas that I've handled for him for years.
Like I told him, I know nothing about cars, and he knows an awful lot, so if something goes wrong, I rely on his judgment and let him do what he thinks is best. I don't 2nd guess him or question his judgment. But he never seems to be able to afford me the same courtesy. Most frustrating.
Esp when the tables are turned, like with my mother...she was working on something and I wasn't sure she had everything all worked out, so I was asking her some questions to see if she'd thought it through. Hubby jumps on me to leave my mother alone, that she knows what she's doing....lending her more trust than he'd ever lend me. I ignored him and asked a few more questions and sure enough she hadn't thought it through and needed to change her plan.
But still somehow in the whole thing, I came off as the bad guy once again. 18156. alistairconnor - 1/10/2006 8:08:09 PM The incredible rightness of women.
Riiight.
Infallibility is for the pope. I definitely prefer a measure of human imperfection. 18157. thoughtful - 1/10/2006 8:12:07 PM So you'd rather I steer you wrong and appear more human than suggest the right course of action and spare you misfortune?
Sounds very woman must know her place, protect man's fragile ego at all cost, kind of thinking to me.
Anyone got a burka i can borrow? 18158. wonkers2 - 1/10/2006 8:17:56 PM I'm not sure its necessarily a male-female issue. I have experiences with my spouse that are similar to those described by thoughtful and magoseph, above. (And I'm sure my spouse would say the same about her experiences with me.) 18159. thoughtful - 1/10/2006 8:34:13 PM Now there are times when not only is it appropriate but appreciated to question me, and when he does i'm thankful...mainly because I'm an airhead. I will often leave for the store without the shopping list, head for the car without the keys and other such distractions so comments like, did you remember to lock the door, did you bring your measuring tape, etc. are all appreciated. I know I'm an airhead about such things and I deserve to be second guessed in those instances. 18160. wonkers2 - 1/10/2006 9:11:36 PM I plead to backseat driving when my wife is at the wheel. But that's because I'm so much better a driver than she. For example, on a freeway she often waits too late to get into the right-hand exit lane, whereas I plan ahead and avoid a last minute Perils of Pauline exit across several lanes. Also, I speed up when I'm changing lanes and she brakes before changing lanes thus entering the new lane going too slow and annoying the cars behind her in the new lane. These are but a few examples. I could easily go on. (I will give her credit for being a careful driver with an accident free record.) 18161. PelleNilsson - 1/10/2006 9:19:12 PM The fact is that women never cease to try to "improve" their men. 18162. thoughtful - 1/10/2006 10:06:09 PM That's true Pelle, and by the time hubby's in the grave, he ought to be just about perfect!
I can hear it now, "Dang! Just when I got him perfect, he up and dies on me!" 18163. Ms. No - 1/10/2006 11:02:41 PM I will give her credit for being a careful driver with an accident free record.
First I must say that your wife's driving would annoy me as well, but the thing is, she's never had an accident so what you're griping about is not that she is a dangerous driver but that her driving style annoys you.
There's a difference between being right about something and just preferring your own way.
As it stands it's a wonder my brother never throttled me when we were growing up. As the older sibling I gave plenty of unneeded "advice" over the years and we often had arguments because he would do the opposite of what I said just to piss me off.
Fortunately we grew up. I learned to have confidence in his judgement and he learned to appreciate that I really could help him out through my own prior experiences.
18164. thoughtful - 1/10/2006 11:41:39 PM Or perhaps the scarlett o'hara approach is what's needed
...oh I don't know Ashley, you're so big and strong and know so much more than I do. Why fiddle-dee-dee, I certainly can't bother my little head with such things. I'll leave it in your powerful hands. 18165. wonkers2 - 1/11/2006 1:37:37 AM Ms.NO--My way or the highway! 18166. Magoseph - 1/11/2006 2:37:56 AM Well, the man who wouldn’t listen has a badly splintered bone between his right elbow and the wrist. We waited a long time to be wedged between other people’s appointments; now the bone specialist has to look at the film. So tomorrow, we’ll know what’s what. 18167. wonkers2 - 1/11/2006 3:44:41 AM Ouch! Sorry to hear that. Guess you'll have to make a choice--between dog and spouse! (I shouldn't make light of the situation.) 18168. arkymalarky - 1/11/2006 5:06:36 AM My biggest concern about my parents' dog--which they absolutely adore--is that she'll trip them on their stairs or in their rocky yard.
But I've resigned myself to the fact that they love where they live and love their dog, and I may one day find Dad at the bottom of their pool--in his speedos. I just hope I get to him before the neighbors do. 18169. arkymalarky - 1/11/2006 5:09:07 AM I hope things go well with Flexy. Let us know how things go tomorrow. 18170. concerned - 1/11/2006 6:32:17 AM This is an area where women have an advantage over men. Men who have to be right are generally just assholes. 18171. alistairconnor - 1/11/2006 10:44:00 AM mmm... so you know women who have to be right, and aren't assholes?
There's a difference between being right about something and just preferring your own way.
That's part of what I was talking about... There are many techniques for handling the woman who is always right (let's postulate, for the sake of argument, that she's actually right 95% of the time).
* the damn-the-torpedoes approach -- I'll do it my way -- this is bad in practical terms (the guy will usually do the wrong thing), and not well-adapted to a long-term relationship
* the Yes-dear approach (anything for a quiet life) - this is the worst. The woman, over time, becomes perfectly convinced that she is 100% right all the time, and it breeds contempt for the schnock who can't make a correct decision on his own
* the reasonable-contestation approach. The guy will (for the sake of argument) usually be wrong in disagreeing, but occasionally he'll turn out to be right; and each can learn from the other.
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