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20487. thoughtful - 11/6/2006 4:05:30 PM My SIL passed away on saturday from lung cancer.
Key lesson here is do whatever you need to do to prevent or stop loved ones from smoking.
Her death was incredibly painful. At the end, tho 5'10" tall, she weighed under 80 lbs. She looked like a frail hatchling...small, thin, fragile, needing the most delicate of care. She looked like she was in her 90s.
Despite being pumped full of morphine, she was in terrible pain...so much so that she couldn't stand to have you touch the bed...a hug or a comforting touch was out of the question. Only when she was knocked out with extra doses of morphine did her pain seem to ease. Then, though you wanted her to know you were there to comfort here, you didn't dare rouse her because you knew it would only add to her pain.
She started coughing in April.
She was diagnosed in June.
She was told if the chemo worked, and it works in only 30-40% of the cases, she could plan on living 8-12 mos. If the chemo didn't work, she might live 4-8 mos.
The chemo didn't work.
She only made it 4 months.
She died at the age of 39.
4 months may seem like a short time, but when you are suffering never ending pain that only increases in intensity, and when you have eaten nothing and still are getting the dry heaves for days, when you can't stand to have anyone touch you because it causes so much suffering, 4 months is a very very long time.
I'm so glad her suffering is over. Now we only have to deal with the fact that we will never see or talk to her again.
May she rest in peace.
20488. wabbit - 11/6/2006 5:14:05 PM I'm so sorry to hear about your SIL, 39 is so young. You and the family have my sincere condolences. 20489. alistairconnor - 11/6/2006 5:32:12 PM That's hard to bear, Thoughtful. You're right about the smoking. That's not a way, not an age to die. Please accept a hug for yourself and for Mr T. 20490. judithathome - 11/6/2006 5:53:05 PM So sorry for your loss, Thoughtful. 20491. arkymalarky - 11/7/2006 5:41:53 AM I'm so sorry, Thoughtful. 20492. Magoseph - 11/7/2006 11:01:14 AM So am I, Thoughtful, my sincere condolances. 20493. prolph - 11/7/2006 11:11:48 AM so sorry for your loss thoughtful . As a retired critical care RN i know your kindness in not warking her up must have helped her, 20494. thoughtful - 11/7/2006 3:33:42 PM Thanks to all of you for your kind condolences. Most appreciated.
My SIL kept working far longer than she should have out of fear of losing her benefits coverage. Where she worked, the company allows coworkers to donate vacation days that she could use so she could stay home yet extend her benefits. Our entire family was stunned...they donated the max allowed...60 days. That was so incredibly touching.
Of course that also speaks loudly as to how broken our health care system is. That is so incredibly sickening. 20495. wonkers2 - 11/7/2006 8:29:05 PM Good to hear that altruism is still alive in this era of greed and taking care on number one. 20496. TheWizardOfWhimsy - 11/7/2006 9:08:40 PM Sincere condolences for your lose and grief, tful. 20497. TheWizardOfWhimsy - 11/7/2006 9:09:08 PM loss 20498. thoughtful - 11/7/2006 11:39:40 PM Thanks, wiz. 20499. judithathome - 11/8/2006 6:25:41 PM There are big plans in the works for a surprise birthday party for our friend's wife...the big 5-0. I suggested and arranged for a restaurant for the dinner portion of the day (a spa day for the birthday girl and 10 of her friends is on the agenda for that afternoon) and talked with the owner to arrange everything. Elaborate invites were sent, complete with maps to the restaurant.
Yesterday the restaurant closed for good...unexpectedly and due to a fight between the landlord and the guy who was running the place. Very inconvenient. Now we're scrambling to secure a new restaurant and notify everyone. I am pissed at the guy that he chose this week to get into it with his landlord. He is without a place of business now and we are left hanging...luckily, we know of another place and are going there on Friday night to eat and arrange for the party (which is on the 18th) but it's stressful as hell getting all this changed around and people notified.
20500. judithathome - 11/9/2006 2:05:12 AM We may be getting a kitten tomorrow night. 20501. TheWizardOfWhimsy - 11/9/2006 3:12:12 AM I love kittens! 20502. wonkers2 - 11/9/2006 3:14:17 AM The Cap'n sez, "Me too!":-) 20503. poipual - 11/9/2006 3:54:25 AM Oh, I just love kittens. It is a damn shame they turn into cats.
Thoughtful
Two old friends died this last month; they were both in their 80's. It is not such a sad day when old fellows die, but 39? too young, and yet it seems in this case a blessing. 20504. jexster - 11/9/2006 4:05:47 AM Condolences Thoughtful
My dad died from LC. Fortunately, his passing was much less traumatic. His doctor put it "When you're 81 everything slows down, even lung tumors"...But the home hospice work wasn't any picnic all the same
20505. Magoseph - 11/9/2006 12:29:09 PM If I didn’t know that the reddest county in my area is where I live, I’d have found out yesterday. Such gloomy faces everywhere I went!! I asked everyone I know, “How was your election day? All I got in answer were disgusted looks.
20506. Neato - 11/9/2006 12:36:19 PM Condolences, Thoughtful.
Death is all around me at the moment, just nudges for me, but blows for my friends and relatives.
A good friend's father is dying - the old boy (as we always called him) is 90, and his son seems to want to go through it with his Dad all on his own, and I know that's hard, because I went though my mother's dying last year, and it was hard, even with the good support that I had.
My husband's brother has melanomas sprouting in nasty places. He is an extreme kind of Christian (literal old testament kind of stuff) and had no treatment for a long time. Faith (or something) kept him going for a few years. But he hasn't got long to go.
A friend in NZ's daughter suicided last week. She seemed fine, lots of friends, good career prospects. But her parents, with whom she seemd so close, didn't know she had a mental illness. She had been put "Under the Act" (which means you are required to have treament for a mental illness in NZ). She was a self harmer. She had been cutting herself. So badly. No-one knew (except the inevitable internet group). She overdosed. She was 23.
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