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23928. anomie - 4/10/2008 7:30:57 PM Makes me wonder if something else was being questioned. 23929. thoughtful - 4/10/2008 9:19:00 PM Only thing I can think of is if she didn't itemize her deductions... 23930. wonkers2 - 4/10/2008 10:36:54 PM We've had good luck with TurboTax. Of course good records are the key to income tax preparation however you do it. 23931. judithathome - 4/11/2008 2:58:15 PM Learned yesterday that Leslie's company was going pay the ten grand for the hospital from an emergency fund...with no stipulation that it ever be paid back! It was such a relief...Leslie was prepared to withdraw money from his 401k and they said, no, hold on to that and use this.
So they called the hospital to see where to send it and the business office said never mind, we don't need it.
Can you believe that? 23932. thoughtful - 4/11/2008 4:03:31 PM Unfortunately i can.
A buddy went into the hospital and refused to pay his part of the bill until he received an itemized bill... the hospital accountant said, we won't release an itemized bill to you until you pay it! 23933. wonkers2 - 4/11/2008 5:20:52 PM Yes, I can believe it. Krugman on Health Care 23934. robertjayb - 4/11/2008 7:16:22 PM A thoughtful (pun intended) article on universal coverage in the New England Journal of Medicine...
Universal Coverage One Head at a Time — The Risks and Benefits of Individual Health Insurance Mandates
23935. wonkers2 - 4/11/2008 8:21:52 PM That was an interesting article. I wonder why the best approach would not be to extend Medicare in stages to the entire population over a ten year period, starting with the most vulnerable people first--children, the unemployed, the poor. As a participant in Medicare, I think it works quite well. Extending Medicare gradually would eventually rid the health care system of the health insurance company parasites. 23936. jexster - 4/12/2008 5:53:36 PM I take my irresponsibilities as a citizen seriously, so I have been investigating tables at which I can appropriately celebrate Bush's passing and restore my own consumer confidence.
In persuing menus, I've noticed several dishes which seem to crop up everywhere.
This from Mlisse, Santa Monica (2 M stars) is typical:
Egg Caviar, Poached Egg, Lemon-Chive Crème Frâiche,
American Osetra Caviar
$20 Supplement
$45
$35
Japanese Kampachi, Erinigi Mushrooms, Red Miso, Winter Citrus Segments
$23
Seasonal Vegetable Salad, Burrata Cheese Pomegranate Vinaigrette,
Roasted Mushroom Emulsion
PS Wonkers...Mlisse has a swimp and abalone concoction23937. thoughtful - 4/16/2008 3:03:55 PM What's the scoop with J@h and her son...any word? 23938. Max Macks - 4/16/2008 8:07:35 PM tornado in Texas? 23939. iiibbb - 4/17/2008 8:33:51 PM OK
So my wife still hates it here. She never wanted to come here. She thinks I should never have applied to this job even though I really had no choice because the job market in my field is pretty poor at the moment; plus, there was a reasonably good job here for her.
We have also had the added stress of dealing with a miscarriage (at least the plumbing works). She's worried about her aging parents; we are not nearby either set of them.
Needless to say, the past 18 months have been very stressful and tumultuous. Certainly the bright spot is that if all of this shit hasn't busted us up, it's going to be hard to do. We are obviously committed to each other.
Part 2- Three weeks after I accepted this position the people that had been funding her made like they wanted to hire her. The problem was that I already made a commitment to this job and couldn't really back out of it. She very very very grudgingly committed to 1-3 years. She applied to that job anyway, but because of some administrative screw up they had to readvertise... now they're going to do it again, and she's going to apply again. If she gets it she's pretty much told me there's no way she's going to turn it down which puts me in a pretty difficult spot as it usually takes 3 years for a researcher to really make much of a new position. I'm still in my probationary period. So if I give this up now it could potentially make it very hard for me to find something else. There is also not very much of what I do up where her potential job is... but, I am willing to make this move if it is that hard for her here. 23940. iiibbb - 4/17/2008 8:33:58 PM
Part 3
I think I just had the most stressful conversation I have ever had with my boss. Because of this possibility for her one to two years down the road, I innocently started to make a few inquiries about how to make a dual career couple work in my agency. The person I contacted made a few inquiries, and now I find that I am being discussed in this other branch. Therefore I couldn't really keep it quiet from my boss any longer. So I told him what was going on... that (1) Agency X is talking about making a position for my wife somewhere down the line, (2) I don't know when it's going to happen, but it could happen in a year (3) I've made a few inquiries and I needed to tell him so that he didn't hear it from another source.
He was very understanding... even supportive... I don't know if this will come to haunt me, but this thing has taken a life of it's own.
I am so stressed out I can barely think straight. 23941. arkymalarky - 4/17/2008 10:11:34 PM You're being as open and upfront as you can be, and I think they will appreciate your position and it sounds like they will work for you. Transitions are so hard anyway, and dragging them out with the unknown in both your careers has got to be extra difficult. Thanks for the update, and let us know how it goes. WHen do you think you'll know the full outcome? 23942. arkymalarky - 4/17/2008 10:14:34 PM Is there any way the two of you (or even one of you at a time) can fit in a three-day weekend to get away from the issue and decompress a little, for a few days, at least? Maybe hit the beach? 23943. iiibbb - 4/17/2008 10:48:50 PM She's headed to her parents for Passover. I would like to go, but there is a big annual get-together with my old college friends that I've never missed. She told me I should go do that instead. Unfortunately she was going to have her 2 bridesmaids as guests at her parents and they both had to drop out at the last minute, so she's not going to get to decompress so much.
I've already told her I pushed the big red button today. Now she is worried that it will affect the job she's starting in July (i.e. if they catch wind of it maybe they'll rescind their offer).
Hope not, but my hand is quite forced at this point. 23944. Wombat - 4/18/2008 2:16:03 AM Hang in there 3i3b. 23945. Ms. No - 4/18/2008 7:23:36 AM Ai-yi-yi, hang tough, man. That's a lot of pressure all around. I feel for you. 23946. alistairconnor - 4/18/2008 9:50:27 AM I think it's great that your wife has the medium-term perspective of escaping from a situation she's been so unhappy with, iii. That's worth a sacrifice on your part. I hope.
And I'm thinking that, politically speaking, the career prospects in your trade can only improve in the coming years - am I wrong? 23947. thoughtful - 4/18/2008 2:09:38 PM Isbs, so sorry for the distress you're going through. I knew you were undecided about the move in the first place. Sounds like you're handling the situation at work as well as you can. What I've found is that in most places these days they are far more understanding of family issues than they used to be in the past. Around here, it is not unusual for a person to postpone accepting an offer based on spouse ability to find work. It wasn't that long ago that that would have never happened. If you weren't able to accept a job on the spot due to a need to consult with anyone, you were considered too weak and insecure to make up you're own mind and you were out. Checking with the wife was the equivalent of asking your mother. That's no longer the case and everyone is coping with distance issues in family one way or another.
So sorry to hear about the miscarriage...that's very upsetting as well. It's things like that that make you want to be close to parents. I'm sure that's an element of story too.
Not that it's for everyone, but could you consider a long commute? I've known several couples who have chosen to 'go home' on weekends. While it's not the best option, it is an option, esp as a short-term solution. One gal I knew lived in TX and worked up here. Her next job was in GA so he moved to GA with her and commuted back to TX. These folks fundamentally put in incredible hours while they're at work and then take long weekends to make up for it.
Of course the worst one was the guy whose job took him from here out to the midwest and wife wouldn't move. So they spent 18 mos doing the weekend commute and couldn't stand it any longer. So they sold the house here and she relocated to the midwest. About 3 mos later, he got a new job right back here. Can you imagine?
Try to stay open to new possibilities, think outside the box. Rather than being overwhelmed by the stress of uncertainty, you're going to have to figure out a way to accept it, and live with it. It's going to be a part of your life for some time to come. I'm not saying it's easy, but the payoff in terms of health, and good relations is well worth it. You can approach this adventure, which is really what it is, with nervousness, stress and trepidation, or you can approach it with openness, willingness to change, and a creative opportunity to learn and grow both as a person and as a husband and as an employee. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger...
My best thoughts to you and the mrs.
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