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23940. iiibbb - 4/17/2008 8:33:58 PM
Part 3
I think I just had the most stressful conversation I have ever had with my boss. Because of this possibility for her one to two years down the road, I innocently started to make a few inquiries about how to make a dual career couple work in my agency. The person I contacted made a few inquiries, and now I find that I am being discussed in this other branch. Therefore I couldn't really keep it quiet from my boss any longer. So I told him what was going on... that (1) Agency X is talking about making a position for my wife somewhere down the line, (2) I don't know when it's going to happen, but it could happen in a year (3) I've made a few inquiries and I needed to tell him so that he didn't hear it from another source.
He was very understanding... even supportive... I don't know if this will come to haunt me, but this thing has taken a life of it's own.
I am so stressed out I can barely think straight. 23941. arkymalarky - 4/17/2008 10:11:34 PM You're being as open and upfront as you can be, and I think they will appreciate your position and it sounds like they will work for you. Transitions are so hard anyway, and dragging them out with the unknown in both your careers has got to be extra difficult. Thanks for the update, and let us know how it goes. WHen do you think you'll know the full outcome? 23942. arkymalarky - 4/17/2008 10:14:34 PM Is there any way the two of you (or even one of you at a time) can fit in a three-day weekend to get away from the issue and decompress a little, for a few days, at least? Maybe hit the beach? 23943. iiibbb - 4/17/2008 10:48:50 PM She's headed to her parents for Passover. I would like to go, but there is a big annual get-together with my old college friends that I've never missed. She told me I should go do that instead. Unfortunately she was going to have her 2 bridesmaids as guests at her parents and they both had to drop out at the last minute, so she's not going to get to decompress so much.
I've already told her I pushed the big red button today. Now she is worried that it will affect the job she's starting in July (i.e. if they catch wind of it maybe they'll rescind their offer).
Hope not, but my hand is quite forced at this point. 23944. Wombat - 4/18/2008 2:16:03 AM Hang in there 3i3b. 23945. Ms. No - 4/18/2008 7:23:36 AM Ai-yi-yi, hang tough, man. That's a lot of pressure all around. I feel for you. 23946. alistairconnor - 4/18/2008 9:50:27 AM I think it's great that your wife has the medium-term perspective of escaping from a situation she's been so unhappy with, iii. That's worth a sacrifice on your part. I hope.
And I'm thinking that, politically speaking, the career prospects in your trade can only improve in the coming years - am I wrong? 23947. thoughtful - 4/18/2008 2:09:38 PM Isbs, so sorry for the distress you're going through. I knew you were undecided about the move in the first place. Sounds like you're handling the situation at work as well as you can. What I've found is that in most places these days they are far more understanding of family issues than they used to be in the past. Around here, it is not unusual for a person to postpone accepting an offer based on spouse ability to find work. It wasn't that long ago that that would have never happened. If you weren't able to accept a job on the spot due to a need to consult with anyone, you were considered too weak and insecure to make up you're own mind and you were out. Checking with the wife was the equivalent of asking your mother. That's no longer the case and everyone is coping with distance issues in family one way or another.
So sorry to hear about the miscarriage...that's very upsetting as well. It's things like that that make you want to be close to parents. I'm sure that's an element of story too.
Not that it's for everyone, but could you consider a long commute? I've known several couples who have chosen to 'go home' on weekends. While it's not the best option, it is an option, esp as a short-term solution. One gal I knew lived in TX and worked up here. Her next job was in GA so he moved to GA with her and commuted back to TX. These folks fundamentally put in incredible hours while they're at work and then take long weekends to make up for it.
Of course the worst one was the guy whose job took him from here out to the midwest and wife wouldn't move. So they spent 18 mos doing the weekend commute and couldn't stand it any longer. So they sold the house here and she relocated to the midwest. About 3 mos later, he got a new job right back here. Can you imagine?
Try to stay open to new possibilities, think outside the box. Rather than being overwhelmed by the stress of uncertainty, you're going to have to figure out a way to accept it, and live with it. It's going to be a part of your life for some time to come. I'm not saying it's easy, but the payoff in terms of health, and good relations is well worth it. You can approach this adventure, which is really what it is, with nervousness, stress and trepidation, or you can approach it with openness, willingness to change, and a creative opportunity to learn and grow both as a person and as a husband and as an employee. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger...
My best thoughts to you and the mrs. 23948. judithathome - 4/18/2008 2:50:35 PM The surgery went fine and he didn't need a stent...the angioplasty balloon thingy increased the artery's capacity to an extra 20%. (That brings his blood flow UP to 50%.) He stayed overnight in ICU and He called us at 6am saying they were releasing him in a couple of hours so Keoni took off for Dallas to beat the traffic.
In a few months, the doctor wants to do an arterial bypass on another artery and that will help a lot, too.
23949. judithathome - 4/18/2008 3:01:28 PM 3i3b, so so sorry about the miscarraige and all the career woes but I think you hit on a good outlook when you said: Certainly the bright spot is that if all of this shit hasn't busted us up, it's going to be hard to do. We are obviously committed to each other. That is the obvious platform from which to build...and Thoughtful had some good advice, as did others.
Wish I had one of those posters from the 70s to send you with the kitten hanging by his paws saying "Hang In There!"...
Trust me, after yesterday, I have started believing in good things happening!
23950. judithathome - 4/18/2008 3:01:43 PM Arky, we got hail and wind, no tornado and actually, the hail wasn't all that bad on us...others had baseball-sized. One guy claimed "grapefruit-sized" but I'd have to see it to believe it. From the schematic on the local weather bulletins, it looked as though a small break in the hail pattern smoothed right over us...up the road, Malibu Boy got covered in what he called a "river of hail washing down the street". Did it hit y'all or had it disapated by the time it got that far? Spectacular film from our local weather guys...hope some of it made the national news. They were both crazy as loons to be out in it and lucky they didn't get swept away to Oz!
WE were lucky TWICE yesterday! I'm not going to push it by playing the lottery this weekend...
23951. thoughtful - 4/18/2008 4:29:40 PM Thanks for the update...so glad the procedure went so well. 23952. Ms. No - 4/18/2008 6:02:36 PM Excellent news, Jude! 23953. wonkers2 - 4/18/2008 10:40:09 PM Judy, that's good news. I've read recently that stents aren't all they're cracked up to be. 23954. judithathome - 4/21/2008 3:03:47 PM He was a little goofy over the weekend...ordered pizza and didn't remember doing it, talked to people he had already talked to, things like that. But yesterday he seemed more back to normal. He's having trouble recalling some words...words he doesn't usually use...and at times, he slurs a little because he tries to talk too fast. All those things are expected, though, so soon after surgery.
When Keoni went to pick him up Friday at the hospital, he was there when Leslie talked to the surgeon...he said that Leslie asked the doctor if his parents were still alive and the doctor said yes. Leslie asked him to thank them for him next time the doctor saw them because "if they hadn't had you, I wouldn't be alive today." Keoni said he AND the doctor both teared up at that. The doctor said no one had ever thanked him in quite that way before... 23955. thoughtful - 4/21/2008 9:04:22 PM I'm reading Caplan's blog and ran across this...you may have heard it before, but I have not:
Idiot-proof systems fail because they can always build a better idiot. 23956. iiibbb - 4/21/2008 10:23:40 PM from wiki
The Geva correction to the validity of Murphy's Law states that "Murphy's Law applies only in Murphy's systems, i.e. systems in which Murphy's Law is known". In simpler words: if you do not know about it, Murphy's Law does not apply. In a system that comprises only perfect idiots Murphy's Law is invalid, and the system will work perfectly even if it is severely flawed. 23957. magoseph - 4/22/2008 8:11:04 PM Hang there, iiibbb! 23958. thoughtful - 4/22/2008 8:17:57 PM isbs that suggests that ignorance is not only bliss but perfection!
Old story my FIL used to tell about engineers trying to design an airplane and the wings kept falling off, no matter what they tried. Then an old, been around a long time, engineer comes along and says it's very simple. Drill a hole every 10" along the seam where the wings meet the plane body. They thought he was nuts but he assured them it would work.
So, desperate as they were, they tried it, and sure enough the wings stayed on. When they asked him how he knew to do that, he replied, "It's very simple. Nothing ever tears along the perforation!"
23959. enigma - 4/23/2008 11:52:54 PM WizardOfWhimsy, this is Enigma, the chair is against the wall, I repeat, the chair is against the wall. Look towards the NEPAconservative. That is all.
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