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25472. iiibbb - 7/31/2009 6:29:34 PM We're better off renting a year. It's not covering our mortgage, but if we can sell it next year for our current asking price, it's better than selling it today for 10,000 less (although I would've taken that).
It's even in our lease they have to keep the house in showable condition during the active sales season (Mar-July).
25473. alistairconnor - 7/31/2009 10:47:28 PM Yeah well I missed the season...
There is a second, minor season, October/November. So I'll try to work all the angles for that time frame. It will probably have to wait for next year, but it will be a real burden from the family angle. Financially too. (really I'm just looking forward to living full-time with my girlfriend. And running one household instead of two. We will be so rich.) 25474. iiibbb - 8/1/2009 12:17:27 AM If it weren't for my inlaws we wouldn't have been able to do any of this. They've kept us afloat during this transition, and I look forward to casting off that line.
I hate to imagine what we would have had to do (probably live apart) if it weren't for them. 25475. rdbrewer - 8/1/2009 11:54:05 AM So, a while back I mentioned it had been a tough five years. Over the last few months, I've recounted the stuff at Ace's place. But I pretty much restricted that to things revolving around my marriage. But not completely. Prior to that? In '04 I lost 200 pounds. No shit. It nearly croaked me. I had gotten that heavy because it was much easier to not worry about relationships. Why? See Ace's. Dad was an NPD. Nuked a few marriages. Worthiness problems. So. When I lost the weight, like I said at Ace's, apparently I was fairly attractive. After battling an onslaught of women and physiological problems--resulting in interpersonal problems*--I met the nerd-woman of my dreams. Or so I thought. I am terminally honest, and early-on, I told her what I hated: in short, personality disorder suffering people. I'm co-dependent, and they have a way of finding me out. And they have a way of ruining my life. Anyway. She hid it. She was an MD and was able to hide a thing I'm extremely tuned-into. BPD, DID, PTSD, NPD, and OCD, in order of severity. I got nuked. The "alter" I married was not the alter in the driver's seat at the end. Simply because I started to assert healthy interpersonal boundaries.
Oh, well. I made basic mistakes. Trusting in an obnoxious way. Signing things over. I must have had a bullseye painted on my forehead. And "co-dependency" turns out to be a movement. So, if you're a conscienscious person and you try to do your best, you might have been sucked in by co-dependency theory. Mistake. What they teach is almost sociopathic. In trying to do my best--denying my urge to put an arm around her instead putting a foot in her ass--I exploded the underlying pathology. That doesn't seem to be fair. Anyway. I've done so much moving forward without help, it's hard to get up again. At this age. I've waited too long. Seems like.
*I had always been described by friends and associates as "phlegmatic." Completely independently. Always. No one could have ever described me as phlegmatic over the last five years. 25477. rdbrewer - 8/1/2009 11:59:10 AM Oh, fuck, I hate that. I just hit "refresh." It double posted, and I don't even feel better.
On the chix thing: They have been aggressive. I love to dance. I had to stop about four or five months ago. Two chix got into an argument about who "talked to" me first. I was mortified. Never went back. I was just dancing to take my mind off things. 25478. alistairconnor - 8/1/2009 12:22:23 PM Interesting parallels, RD.
Worthiness problems, co-dependence. Magnet for women with issues.
Except that nobody ever fought about dancing with me. I'm a lousy dancer.
(BPD, DID, PTSD, NPD, and OCD I don't get. PTSD yes, I can't decipher the others.) 25479. rdbrewer - 8/1/2009 12:56:33 PM Alistair, I've studied that stuff informally for 25 years. And, routinely, it's obvious I know more than MD's. And, think about it. I've studied it. They took a class in med school. But. They're MD's. That carries with it a certain amount of arrogance. It's like this: I studied Family Law (made an "A") and Property ("A") in law school. I never practiced in those areas, though. And I don't know a damned thing about them. Nothing. My ex, who has had three divorces, knew much more than me. She was able to prepair. But. You meet an MD--and keep in mind, everyone they meet is bowing and saying "oh, great doctor, you are great, and please save me"--and you get someone who is so full of shit, their eyes are brown. I know more about psych in my middle finger than all of them do in their entire brains--all except those who specialize in the area. I'll tell you that, as a lawyer, I've had the opportunity to meet hundreds of doctors, and many, many are too confident. In general. It's almost laughable at times. In fact, the ex and I would laugh and laugh after seminars--pretty much every one. Some doctor would, inevitably, go on about how s/he combined this and that medication (totally unscientifically, yet totally unknown to them) and they got this and that incredible medical result. Of course, they were shot down in short order, but they appeared in every seminar. They're all over. And I mention them because they're the extreme. Most are like my ex: "I took a class in psych, so I can comment on psychological disorders." Wrong. She's an internist. She needs to stick to internal medicine.
When it comes to psych issues, she'd be better off giving me a call. Heck, I was quoting the DSM-IV to her. But if you're god's gift to medicine, you don't need to consult the accumilated body of knowledge on the subject. One time she said "It comes out every year; that's the only reason it's DSM-IV." Wrong. The IV has been out since, like, the early 80's.
But I don't blame them. I'd get a big head too if everyone was bowing to me simply because I was wearing a white coat. 25481. rdbrewer - 8/1/2009 1:00:07 PM SHIT! I did it again.
Alistair, fix this place. For goddsakes. 25482. wabbit - 8/1/2009 2:29:11 PM rdb, sorry to hear all this. I'm also not long out of a bad marriage to a manipulative conniving liar. 'Nuff said.
I'll remove the duplicate posts. 25483. Ms. No - 8/1/2009 11:55:41 PM rdb,
Really sorry to hear about the nastiness but congratufuckinglations on the weight-loss! That's a great accomplishment and I hope that you're able to enjoy that freedom in the midst of all the crap. 25484. rdbrewer - 8/2/2009 7:52:06 AM I miss you guys. 25485. rdbrewer - 8/2/2009 8:36:01 AM I miss you guys. 25486. rdbrewer - 8/2/2009 8:39:27 AM 210
If you're ever doing CPR. The BeeGees Stayin' Alive is the proper beat. About 100 beats per minute. Keep that in mind.
Stayin' Alive.
Cool. The beat makes CPR easy. Don't forget.
And. I have no idea how to html here any more. So. Here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCAjmuA1HDk 25487. alistairconnor - 8/2/2009 8:43:58 AM I miss you guys.
Then don't be a stranger. There is an opening for a right winger here. There is too much agreement. 25488. rdbrewer - 8/2/2009 10:54:42 AM I have to go.
Beck, I hope God showers you with blessings. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have a nice guy. I love you. 25489. judithathome - 8/2/2009 11:32:33 PM I'll tell you that, as a lawyer, I've had the opportunity to meet hundreds of doctors, and many, many are too confident.
Just keep in mind...only half graduate at the tops of their classes...the others don't. ;-) And someone has to be dead last.....every year. 25490. wabbit - 8/2/2009 11:35:29 PM I'm due for an x-ray of my knee in another month, and if the doc thinks the knee will hold up — mind you, he has forbidden me to get on a horse, so... — I'd love to run another marathon just to come in last. I've always wanted to do that. 25491. judithathome - 8/2/2009 11:36:20 PM We've just returned for a spectacular 4 day weekend with the Arky's at their lovely home...and I can catagorically state they are the best people in the world. Keoni and I count them as dearest friends.
My son was supposed to accompany us this year for the annual get-together...and he did. I always told him he'd fit right in and now he has. He'll be a part of that place forever now and I thank "Arky and Bob" from the bottom of my heart.
25492. judithathome - 8/2/2009 11:39:29 PM Wabbit, sometimes coming in last is its own reward...my aunt and I did the Cowtown Marathon one year and we got a standing ovation when we crossed the finish line; we'd stopped to shop along the way...we finished a hair's breadth behind the guy in a wheelchair.
Now I think about it, I'm sure it was his standing O. 25493. wabbit - 8/3/2009 12:04:45 AM JaH, I'm totally with you on this. I doubt I'd have to stop for any reason at this point, but whatever needs doing...! I won a few marathons in my youth (all charity races) and having been there, always thought I'd like to be last in as many as possible. I know that most people don't enter to win, but still, if it means someone will finish rather than drop out, I wouldn't mind being last one bit.
I'm not one bit surprised to hear that about the Arkys. And what a lovely tribute to your son. Having never met any of you in person, I still feel sure he'd be very happy.
And now the awkwardness sets in. I never know if I've worded something correctly, I certainly don't mean to be anything but supportive — I trust you understand my meaning.
Time to feed the fox.
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