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25950. magoseph - 5/1/2010 10:02:59 PM ...that is if I can find her...
25951. arkymalarky - 5/1/2010 11:36:45 PM You need to email her, Mags. 25952. arkymalarky - 5/1/2010 11:36:46 PM You need to email her, Mags. 25953. iiibbb - 5/2/2010 4:34:15 AM Thanks for the support.
I hate that I feel like I'm complaining all the time. It was never my m.o. before. It's a bit of a revelation that sometimes life drags you places. However, anytime I take a step back I know things could be a lot worse than they are.
Part of it is that my wife and I are different in the amount of hedging we do. I typically hedge a lot; she generally trusts that things will happen.
She's right that I worry too much, but she also knows that when things get dicey I am generally pretty cool headed. She is not this way. I told her this is because I've already lived most situations 100 times in my head.
The stress is getting to me though... her job situation has been a real kick in the teeth. Between taking care of the kid (who is awesome beyond awesome)... applying to jobs... trying to keep up with old work... and trying to pursue some local opportunities as if I weren't planning to leave soon.
I don't have enough time in the day to deal with it all. It's crazy. I'm really tired a lot of the time.
It has to get better sometime though... I don't know how it can't. 25954. arkymalarky - 5/2/2010 4:11:25 PM Well, I had an inspiring post but lost it. Enjoy your son. The stress drags along, but childhood flies by. When you can't stand it, grab him up and go do something fun and free. It's all new stuff to him and that makes it more fun to you. Some of my best childhood memories are when we were poorest, my dad was busiest, and my mom was in a state mental hospital. 25955. judithathome - 5/2/2010 6:45:34 PM Hey, Mags...whatcha been up to?
Arky, my memories are the same as yours but my mom stayed home. ;-) 25956. thoughtful - 5/2/2010 8:45:18 PM I've been sorely tempted to stop here looking for support as my life has gone on serious overload when it comes to stress and distress and heartbreak, but I've stopped myself as I kept recalling all the seemingly unprovoked attacks that ended up in silence between myself and other posters. And then the banning of jex when he was one of the only ones around here keeping this place alive, which took out wonks too. I've lurked a few times only to find it as dead as a doornail in here. So afraid that I'll get myself banned as well for some unknown issue. Just more complications that my full catastrophe life doesn't need.
But in case anyone is willing to offer a sympathetic ear without argument, i could fill you in.....
nah...nevermind, that's unlikely to happen...someone will accuse me of arrogance in misinterpreting my complaints as saying i'm the only one with problems or someone else will find my complaints trivial and me weak willed or someone will become "helpful" to my situation by really being critical of my actions and choices or someone will use what I tell as an opening to attack me....
nope. not worth it. I'll go crawl back in my hole.
happy spring everyone 25957. wabbit - 5/2/2010 9:13:34 PM Thoughtful, I've wondered (in the Good Life thread) how you were doing and how the house came out. I have missed your photos of your morning walks.
I'm not willing to get into the whole Jexster thing again, it's like dredging up the specter of CalGal.
Wonkers stops by from time to time, as do most of us. I know the Mote, like most small discussion groups, is very VERY slow, but I think it's a combination of the novelty having worn off and going back to in-person life. Maybe that's just me. I still value being able to come here and see the names that are here, even those who are here very rarely now.
If you feel like venting or talking, please post. I bet I'm far from the only one who has been thinking of you and would be willing to listen. Even if it were solicited, I'm sure I would have no helpful advice, but I'm a willing ear nevertheless. 25958. arkymalarky - 5/2/2010 9:25:43 PM Please do, Thoughtful. I've wondered about you, as well, knowing you must have been dealing with your mother's illness. Please let us know what has been happening. 25959. thoughtful - 5/2/2010 10:24:58 PM My mother passed away in February. Last fall she wasn't doing well with confusion and chronic urinary infections. Apparently these UTIs can really cause lots of mental issues including she was having visual and auditory hallucinations from sepsis. But the situation kept worsening and so they decided to look for other causes. Her cancer had spread to her brain. In December she ended up in the nursing home and was going for radiation treatments. It became clear that the radiation was not helping at all. Fortunately she wasn't in much pain until maybe the last week when we called in hospice.
I still ache with missing her...she was a most wonderful person who brought so much fun and humor to my life. When she was in FL, we used to get on the phone on Sat mornings and spent 40 min of the hour just laughing. We shared the same sense of humor and understood each other so well. So many activities I do I used to do with her...yet now I have to do them alone and miss her all the more. I miss the pleasure she brought to my life. She was my life-long best friend. No one will ever fill the hole her absence has made in my life.
She was so strong and uncomplaining even up to the end. She was making jokes even as she could no longer move her own body. Such a courageous woman who had suffered so much tragedy in her life and yet never stopped striving to maintain a young and hopeful attitude. As you may recall, she nursed my SIL through her lung cancer, found my father after he committed suicide, and found my brother after he committed suicide. Prior to that she took care of her MIL with her cancer, and took care of her parents for 9 years. She was a most giving person. She bravely faced into her own imminent death without complaint. Her only desire toward the end was that she not be a burden to me or my husband. I was so fortunate to have her in my life for as long as I did.
While she was dying, I had to handle the financial affairs, the medical affairs, the nursing home situation, and the 'real' stuff like closing up her condo, cleaning out the fridge, etc, at the same time my job was extremely busy with travel and going through very tough contract negotiations with one of the suppliers. And still keep the house building project going. Yet all I really wanted to do was spend time with Mom while I still had her around. It was the most frustrating time of my life. It all caught up to me though. I knew she was going to die that weekend...I went to see her on Saturday am but couldnt stay as I was feeling so ill myself. I went home with severe intestinal flu and a high fever. I literally couldn't get more than a short walk away from the bathroom....that night the nursing home called to say, 'Your mother passed away...when are you going to come down and collect her things?' My hubby was such a peach to go and do that for me. I would not have survived all this without him.
25960. thoughtful - 5/2/2010 10:29:15 PM Since then work still has been crazy including my boss of nearly 20 years just up and left and now i'm trying to learn to deal with the new boss. Also i'm building a stack of paperwork that will weigh as much as I do by the time I'm done, trying to deal with the estate, probate, lawyers, bills, etc. etc.
In addition, I'm working with a doc watching a lump I found ...so far so good, but we're still watching. Hubby is working with his kidney doctor as his kidney function is deteriorating, but so far so good. My cousin called yesterday to tell me that her father died...bad enough, but he was the primary care giver to her 99 year old grandmother. My cousin lives 1500 miles away and desperately trying to deal with the shock of losing her father while trying to figure out what to do with her grandmother. My other cousin called to tell me his brother committed suicide...he was in a mental hospital for depression and, as his insurance ran out, they changed his meds and sent him home. The next day he was dead.
And did i tell you we are still trying to finish the house and move in? I want to have a memorial service for my mom there, was hoping for this spring, but it looks possible that we might be in by June and could have it there this summer. Despite mother's condition, we were able to bring her to the new house where we had xmas dinner with her.
25961. thoughtful - 5/2/2010 10:32:32 PM I am working hard at trying to heal myself from all of this. I feel like I'm the only mole in a one-hole whack-a-mole game...every time I pop my head up, it gets smashed down by something else again.
Desperately seeking resilience... 25962. wabbit - 5/2/2010 10:34:56 PM Oh Thoughtful, I am so sorry to hear this news, I can't even begin to imagine how much you are missing her. Your mother sounds like she was a very special person. I know we don't get to know each other very well here, but I think from your description of her that you are a lot like her and she must have been very proud of you.
You have my deepest sympathies. Words are just never enough. 25963. thoughtful - 5/2/2010 10:47:47 PM Thanks, wabbit. I appreciate your support and kindness. 25964. arkymalarky - 5/2/2010 11:09:26 PM Oh my, Thoughtful! I'm so sorry! I'm glad you were able to have your mom at your new house. What a lot you've gone through in the last few months. I hope things begin to improve soon. Your mother always seemed wonderful from your posts. 25965. thoughtful - 5/2/2010 11:23:47 PM Thanks, Arky. Much appreciated. 25966. wabbit - 5/2/2010 11:29:15 PM Oh geez, I just re-read your following posts (I had to run downstairs to tend to my parents' dinner) - good grief.
I had a lumpectomy about seven years ago. I was very lucky in so many repects, and as lucky and easy as my path was, I hope your path is easier. 25967. Ms. No - 5/3/2010 7:12:01 AM Thoughtful, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. My best to you and to your family. You are getting more than your share of burdens this year. Be well. 25968. Ms. No - 5/3/2010 7:16:02 AM 3i3b, happy belated and hang in there. Definitely revel in your child ---- and never feel you can't come here to unload troubles. Stress is definitely a back-buster. Just think, the Mote is way cheaper than a therapist. ;-> 25969. thoughtful - 5/3/2010 12:38:18 PM Thanks, Ms. No.
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